Naval Contemplation

My parents just left. I'm exhausted. They came all the way from Large Southwest City,  their hometown and mine,  to visit me in my husband- Dumbledore- in Large Midwest City.  although, I think the real mission was to complain… About everything. Like I said, I'm exhausted. All I can feel is the “not good enough's” going through their heads. And the thing is, I don't know why I care. I came here to be thousands of miles away from them. I got what I wanted, didn't I?

But I can't help but see my life through their eyes,  and it's pretty miserable. I mean, by their standards. We don't have any money. We have no kids. Our lives are more than half over and we really don't have that much show for them. I'm left feeling so depressed I can barely stand it.

And wouldn't you know, they chose Gay pride weekend, the biggest Gay pride weekend ever to come visit. And Dumbledore and I missed it all chauffeuring them around from one disappointment to the next.

And you know, that's another reason I'm depressed today.  Am I the only middle-aged gay man  who resents the entitlement young gay kids have? I mean it's really silly. All I ever wanted was for gay kids to feel entitled to the things their straight peers took for granted. Now they do take it for granted, and I resent their lack of appreciation for their older brothers and sisters who paved the way for them to have an easier life. Just looking at that in black and white makes me feel silly. But today just feels like such a burden.


I'm tired of feeling depressed.  I've got to do something  to make myself feel better.  I've really isolated myself lately  which is one reason I thought posting a blog might make me feel, I don't know, part of a community. Or much is to watch the clicker stay at zero and feel more depressed than ever. Actually,  I'm already feeling a little bit better. Just getting this out there. I know what I have to do. I need to get my butt down to the gym, and get those endorphins going.  I need to do a bunch of paperwork that's been sitting there. And I need to get over myself and do something that makes the world better place i